Nightlight (a parody)
Author: The Harvard Lampoon
About three things I was absolutely certain.
First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe
Second, there was a vampire part of him—which I assumed was wildly out of his control—that wanted me dead.
And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me.
In a self-appointed exile, Belle Goose come to live with her window washer of a father in Switchblade, Oregon. There, this vampire obsessed teenager becomes instantly popular and is pretty sure she’s got all the guys’ attention, just not Edwart Mullen.
Strange and quiet, Belle must know him. He rushes off at the sight of her, doesn’t eat his tater tots, and has an uncontrollable rage about computer games. He even saves Bell from a flying snowball, which cements Belle’s feelings for him, and one other thing. With all of these strange things about Edwart, Belle knows he must be a vampire. Now she just has to figure out how to get him to bite her so they can be together forever, but how will that happen when he seems to find girls repulsive?
Okay, I swear somebody handed The Harvard Lampoon a Twilight themed Mad Libs and said, “Okay, let’s publish this.”. I cringed, I laughed, and there was possibly a lot of eye-rolling. I couldn’t believe this book! I wasn’t blown away, but I was shocked. Having read the Twilight series and seeing the movies, this parody was really something. The entire book was a fun non-sense story.
There were vampires! Sort of. His name was Josh and he wasn’t very cordial. LOL. Josh actually came off as sarcastic, which is understandable since he’d been trying to get Belle’s attention the whole time and she only has eyes for storm chasing, computer nerding Edwart.
All of the characters were strange. I don’t know how else to explain it. Completely laughable and a good time. Belle’s POV of throughout the book showed them under quite the dramatic light as she ended up dragging them into her obsessive life. One thing I really did love about Belle though, was how confident she was and that she never let anyone get to her. Granted, she sounded like her brain flew the coop, but she didn’t let anything negative that anyone had to say get to her. I admire that quality. I’m still working on it with myself and it’s a struggle some days.
I don’t even know where to begin when it comes to the style of this book. It was crazier than a crazy straw. At one point, the biology class is asked to give blood, not for a blood type test, but so the teacher’s son can possibly have one of their kidneys, leading Belle to faint and then wiggle like a worm on the floor out of the classroom. I must say, that I love that Belle drives a U-HAUL. She’s not moving anywhere. That’s her regular vehicle she drives to school.
With how the book is written, it does skip around a lot. It was at times, confusing. There was nothing definite amongst all of this silliness.
This was a fun read. Definitely read in one sitting. You’ll laugh, you’ll question what you just read, and you’ll probably donate this book for some other poor soul to read. Lol. It’s not a book that’ll stick with me, but it was hilarious. If you ever wanted to know what it’s like to have a parody movie done a book, this is it.
“None of us were very good at saying good-bye. For some reason, it always came out good-BUH.” (Belle, p. 5)
“It was like when you sip an energy drink with a skull on it, even though your mom said not to, and your brain kind of speeds up as you sip and then goes slower as you swallow then speeds up and goes slower until you throw up. And then you drink another one on a dare.” (Belle, p. 28)
“We walked together, our pointer fingers romantically linked. The cemetery loomed ahead of us covered in a dark haze of night, lit only by a sliver of moon. Twilight! I mean, Nightlight!” (Belle, p. 101)
More to come soon…
P.S. Song today?
Thoughts? Tell me in the comments below.